When I Was Young
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When I was young, time merged together like mist on the mountains. Life was free and without a care, because I didnt have this heavy burden on my shoulders.
It weighs me down and Ill never be free of it, never.
When I was young, the flowers still bloomed in bright colors, but now everythings faded to a dull pastel set. Life will never be the same, not after that.
That.
I can see you in front of me now, asking me whats that, but I cant tell you. If I tell you the last remnants of my fragile world will collapse around me.
When I was young, my dreams were of superheroes and saving the world. Now the nights are either sleepless or filled with bloody nightmares which wake me from slumber.
But that was when I was young.
Youre asking more questions now, asking why Im having nightmares, why I cant tell you. If I tell you why I cant tell you, then Ill end up telling you.
I cant have that.
Not now.













Critiques
Haha, no, you're right in not making her do so - she seems quite the guarded type. Disillusioned and not quite so naive.
This is very well written. That's some good imagery and symbolism. Pulls you in from the very first phrase.
I like how you've ended it. And how you've explained the.. utter lack of explanation you're offering the reader. xD
Huh, does "Not now" imply there might be some revelation in the future? You've got me wondering...
I think that's the strength of this short piece - how you make the reader curious about the personality you're presenting with so few words. And the afore-mentioned symbolism, of course.
And I don't think you repeat 'when I was young' too many times. I mean, sure, it's there a LOT, but it doesn't distract. I rather think the repitition adds to it, in fact.
An intruiging, enjoyable read.
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